i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
