Don't you send me to vm
pop tarts are not kleenex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
