She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
