3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
