Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
