Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
