That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
