Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
