Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
