what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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