i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
