"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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