meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
