omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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