she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
