I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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