I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
