Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
