if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
