Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
