My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
