Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
