my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
