your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
