u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
