I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
