how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
