I heard we made out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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