wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
