Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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