you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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