I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize