I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
