matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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