so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
