i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
