sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it because I queefed?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
