Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
