I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize