he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina is officially offended.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
