In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Be still, my beating vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
