I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
