The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
