you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
