As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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