You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
