Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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