I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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