either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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