Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Congratulations! We have a period
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