i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
