Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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