Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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