Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
