Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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