You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
