my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I smell stomach acid.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
