she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
