how can u be prego again
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
