Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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