For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
