I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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