I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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