Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
