thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
