Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
