Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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