belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
