i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
