so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
