im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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