I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
