So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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