I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
