I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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